I’ve been saved for years, but this year at Verge Camp 2015, I can honestly say I will never be the same.
First of all, the struggle for perfectionism has been taking hold of my life. To be the perfect servant, the perfect “christian”, to look perfect, act perfect, always make the Lord proud. Pastor Tim completely changed my world when he said that God was proud of me…. That he was smiling down on me. I had never thought of it like that. I knew God loved me, but I never thought of him SMILING. I realized this Verge that I need to stop chasing perfection, and chase JESUS instead. “He’s not requiring perfection.” Wow… What a life changing moment.
I don’t know if anyone else feels like this, but limits are something I’ve always, always had in the back of my mind. “I could never be THAT great,” “THAT anointed” “THAT creative.” The Lord asked me, when I was on my knees, “Well, why not?” He got me thinking and stumbling over my words. I had placed limits on myself out of insecurity; that I could never really be ALL he wanted me to. He instantly gave me the word “hunger”. How much of God are we HUNGRY for? If we are so hungry for the Lord, every day of our lives, we are limitless in Him. Limitless means: endless, unbounding, without limit. My walk with Christ is LIMITLESS. This also lead to a repentance moment; asking the Lord to please forgive me for thinking I could limit his power in my life, that I could limit him in general. No one can limit God! We sing that God can do the impossible… But do we really believe it in our hearts?
Tuesday night the Lord whispered to me in worship “turn around”. He told me I was looking at my past, my recent heartbreaks, and my failures instead of looking to my future. “I’m trying to do a new thing!” Okay, lord, I am all yours.
Wednesday night changed my world. The worship shifted something in me; a desire for his kingdom. A mighty woman of God came to pray over me, and shared something the Holy Spirit had laid on her heart about me. That he was going to “unleash a spiritual gift” inside of me tonight. She prophesied over my future of going to college, crying out that people down there NEED me and are WAITING for my light. She confirmed so much in that moment
The Lord called me into ministry later that night. I have always had the Promise and call of leading worship, but I saw that call as very broad. This call was intimate, it was powerful, and I will never be the same. I got on my hands and knees. And answered the call. I said YES. Not just a “oh yeah sure”, but a pleading, crying, “YES, SEND ME!” with all of my heart; that I will go ANYWHERE to make the gospel known, I will do anything he asks. I surrendered in that moment every dream, every wish, every limit, every insecurity to the Father. I could see him smiling down on me.
That same night, I gave a word of knowledge to a girl I had never met. At first I was praying for the baptism of the Holy Spirit, but that lead to more. I started interceding over her and speaking life over her. I spoke against doubt and affirmation that I felt so strong in my spirit. Later that night I got to talk with the girl. Of course, the Holy Spirit showed out. He trusted me with those words, and they were exactly what she needed to hear. “Oh my gosh. Was that you praying over me?” I explained the love of Christ so passionately to her, more than I ever had in my life. I explained how when I touched her I just felt genuine, powerful, and faithful love in my heart that the Father had placed there.
The last night Alex Seeley told us to close our eyes and picture taking off our dirty robe and Jesus giving us a new one. The Lord showed me that he cannot give me my anointed robe, until I took the old one off. We want to be confident, bold, and secure…. But we don’t always want to hand him the nasty stuff first. Almost as though we are trying to cover it up. And he gave me a revelation that the more I cover it up, the dirtier it gets. I realized I had a deep root of comparison in my life. But we severed that root that night. I chose to make JESUS the root, and I chose to bear the fruit of the spirit instead of fruit like anger, gossip, and selfish ambition. Not only did he use me and call me, he reminded me. He reminded me of his goodness, of who I am, of what I’m capable of – I’m a world-changer.